i've been getting emails from the prime minister of the united kingdom sooooo idk.

the mailman honked at me. unprofessional. the weird part is that he was on foot.

"hooker shoes"

throughout my adolescence, i don't think i ever had the pleasure of being told by my parents that i couldn't go out "dressed like that." not because they let me go out dressed like that, but because i never even tried to leave the house looking like a scathing whore. yesterday, at the ripe old age of 20, i was finally stopped by my mother before leaving the house and told to change (??!?!?). i took off one pair of heels and put on another. better late than never. my job here is done.

my first and last post about walmart

"well. it's illegal in massachusetts, but if they have it it'll be in the sportin' goods section."

i will not complain about the heat
i will not complain about the heat
i will not complain about the heat after this:

but really guys, i think i woke up mid-heatstroke. i'm at that fun place where sleeping naked isn't nearly naked enough. my own skin is suffocating me and the fan is blowing warm air on purpose, i swear.

strangest pickup line i've heard in a while, at work:
"so are you into martial arts at all?"

happy birthday michelle

breakfast with the beast. not on the menu.

hates21

loves 21

"do you have a michael jackson room?"

where the fuck do you think you are bro

update: billie is alive after being lost for 4 days because...well, i don't know. most unreal.

decided i should try russian standard soon to pay homage to my roots. it must be good because i've heard it will "put chest on your hair." another gem from that weird girl down the hall.

speaking of russian people i love, happy 21 years of life to mollyanatryzek!

we have guests

there's a creature eating my food out of the cabinets and not being stealthy about it. and the pile of treats sarah left out gets smaller and smaller every day, but i don't think it's billie eating them. uggg.

it's funny because they have the same haircut! i find this adorable

year of the hair dye

8:16 AM
"had to pee in a bottle. cant take me anywhere."


jonfan: today i was watching the simpsons in spanish...and i witnessed a bill cosby impersonation
me: i'm trying to imagine what that would sound like
jonfan: something along the lines of 'comer el pudding'

going to spain, bbl

happy fourth and happy 400 posts!
fireworks and beers and peach rings and puppies
it's so easy to make me happy

hold on. i just got an email with "Half Off Paula Cole Tickets" in the subject line.

where have all the Paula Cole fans gone?

met my new best frand at mad hatter today, he gave me a cookie fo free 99!!!!!!